How do you achieve marital bliss?

Why do I feel like my husband thinks he has to babysit me? I'm putting my best foot forward to be patient with him. Even when he irritates me, I try to politely tell him how I feel and it always turns into a huge ordeal. I feel like he has never really trusted that I can get by without his help. Probably because he's been helping me from day one. I feel like my independence has been stripped away. I don't want to be entirely independent, we're married after all. But I do want him to trust that there are some things I can do without him reminding me all the time. For example, if there is something on my list of things to do... and the day has just started and I'm still working on checking things off... he doesn't need to remind me to do them!!!!!! Sigh. I hope tonight is a good night for us. I'm tired of arguing every night. I want us both to be in better moods. How does anyone achieve marital bliss? Is it possible?

A New Year

It's the beginning of a new year again. Naturally, that causes people to reflect on the past year... or two... or however many they feel like I guess. So many milestones this year... where to begin?

Tried and failed to workout on a regular basis... what's new? Maybe if I chat with the chiropractor, he'll give me permission to zumba again... we shall see.

Quit, what in my opinion, was the worst job in the world (teller at a bank) to work in a more fun environment as a server at Red Robin. Even though I've had my ups and downs at this new job... I'd much rather work somewhere that keeps me busy and not watching the clock all the time.

I planned and attended my wedding.... married my best friend in the world... and we've almost known each other for two years now :)

I graduated from SIUE with my BS (bach of science even though I had to go through a lot of BS to finally finish it...) in psychology...preparing for graduate school, if they like me enough.

Life is good. And it's all for God's glory. Maybe to glorify him more... I can work on a few other things.

1. My primary goal for the year is to be more patient with my husband. He's a gift from God and I love him so much... I hate that I can't help but become easily annoyed by him sometimes. I know it's in my power to change with God's help. If I really want to show Neil how much I love him... I need to be patient with him, kind to him, forgive him and overcome our obstacles together with him. That's a HUGE goal... baby steps...

2. Get involved with the community. I want to volunteer and help other people... No school for 8 months... besides working extra hours, reaching out to others is a good use of my time... along with..

3. Keeping the house clean. Eh.. this is gonna be hard. I don't care about it as much as Neil. But, my desk is clean and that's a start! Working on the laundry now... and who knows what else might get done when I'm at home! ... I'll keep you updated :) lol.

4. Read more books. Maybe I could go to the library and get a card. I'd like to learn more about classic literature. Funny (as in irony) how I'm interested in reading when it's not being forced on me. God only knows when grad school starts, I won't have time for enjoyable reading again. So I think it'd be good to take advantage of the opportunity I have now.

5. Hit the gym. Even if I can't do zumba... I really want to be active. So sick of all my sweet-tooth cravings going straight to my hips.

6. Most importantly, I have to work on being a better imitator of Jesus.* In everything I do, all of these goals listed here... I need to do them with His attitude. That's a big one to work on, but I think I can do it.** :)

Happy New Year

*Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:1-2)

**I can do all things through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

Worry Wart

I love my new husband. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me... but he is a worry wart. He has the "worry virus." And it's a little contagious. I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that we were raised soooo differently (even though we also have a lot in common). My family has gone without and we survived. Now, when I say "gone without," what I mean is... there were times we didn't have a telephone, cable tv, money to go out to eat, etc. But we always had our necessities met. Now, I don't really agree with my mother's sense of work ethic and how we had our necessities met, but I've always known that God is watching out for me. And I'm still trying to accept that nothing that I have is mine... it is all a gift from Him. I believe that even though growing up was very difficult for me at times because I was teased for not having nice clothes or the newest gadget or even enough money to join the poms squad or take music lessons, in a way... it was all a blessing because I know how to depend on God even when things look bleak.

It's really hard for me to relate to Neil when he panics about our financial situation. Combined, him and I make more money in a month than my family of three or four (depending on the mood of my mother)lived off of when I was younger. I look at our situation and I feel blessed compared to where I've been before. I realize that God asks us to be good stewards of his gifts and that just because we have faith doesn't mean we should go out and spend all we have... but I'm not really worried about where we're at. Neil is. And it gets to me when his mood rubs off on me. I've changed my job 3 times in the past two years. I don't want to keep changing jobs because he feels like I'm not making enough money. I just graduated from college two days ago... I wish he'd just give me a chance to try to work extra shifts.

He says that he wants me to find something else because it's not worth the 25 minute drive to work for only $50. When I was younger, $50 was worth a 25 minute drive. He says that I'm not getting enough hours. He's right. BUT, I haven't even asked for more hours yet. I don't think the logical step after not getting enough hours is to quit your job and look for another one... I think the next step would be to talk to my boss about my hours.

He makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. But I'm really trying. It's hard when the holidays are around the corner and my graduation ceremony is a day away to want to change my availability right now. But I will in time. I'm just asking for a week.

I love him. But he needs to calm down and trust God. Maybe that's why I'm in his life. God doesn't want us to depend on our imperfect selves... he wants us to depend on him... that's how we get closer to him... by trusting him with everything.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you, not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

I'm Mrs Neil Mutschler

Four days ago, I married my best friend. It was really the perfect day. (Thank you so much God for being there and making it an amazing experience). It was everything I had hoped for and more. Ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed about my wedding day. Now that it has come and gone, as I reflect on it... it was better than I had imagined. See, as a young girl, I remember thinking about the day and I would consider walking down the isle with everyone looking at me as the bride, I remember making a mental checklist of who would be there to see it all unfold... I remember being concerned about the "audience's point of view." But when I walked down the isle, my focus zoomed in on my husband to be. I was only concerned about him and what his thoughts were, the expression on his face to see me as his bride. I wasn't concerned about any past experiences or the future to come. I was only present in that very moment. During the ceremony, I felt alone with him and God, (and the pastor)... I didn't care about the audience's perspective, I was in the moment with him. It's an odd yet wonderful feeling to be surrounded by friends and family and yet you feel like there is no one else in the world besides you and your husband.

I felt so blessed by God on that day, for He has definitely provided me with people in my life who love Neil and I, and even people who didn't know us were blessing us on that day as well. All of our vendors went out of their way to make our day special, and my amazing friends and bridesmaids were adding special touches to the wedding and keeping me from being stressed about details. As a matter of fact, I wasn't stressed at all that day, just excited.

And now, I get to spend the rest of my life with my favorite person, my best friend, my husband. God really loves us to have put us together.

Charisma

Weird wedding dreams again. Must mean it's getting closer! (Only 4 days now!) In my dream, we didn't bring our decorations to the reception, whoops. And I married someone else who is already married instead of Neil. That was weird... and it made me really sad because in my dream I kept saying "I was supposed to marry Neil...." and I was so very happy when I woke up and realized it was all just a dream.

My back has been going in and out of pain again lately. It got pretty bad this past week, so I made an extra visit to the chiropractor. I actually have another appointment with him today. Hopefully, that will do me in until Friday. I have a massage scheduled the day before the wedding too...

Yesterday, Neil and I tried another church. I heard about it as I was talking to a girl in my art class. The church is really small, they meet in a house, but it's not someone else's house, it's the building that used to be someone's house. They actually started meeting in a person's home but now they meet in a small house. It was so different than anything I've been to, but it was good. Since the church was so small, people actually noticed that we were new and came up to us to introduce themselves. I think that's what I liked most... it seemed like everyone was pretty genuine. The worship was very charismatic, compared to the churches Neil and I have been to in the past, but I kind of liked that too. The teaching wasn't as structured as we're used to. I wasn't too crazy about that. I think that it's good to have some focus somewhere. The teaching had a point though... which I agreed with wholeheartedly. The point was "We're nothing; Jesus is everything." And all of the verses backed that point up. But we just flipped a lot between verses and I guess I'd like to really focus on one passage to understand it better. But overall, I felt like it was a good experience. Neil and I chatted about it and he told me he'd be willing to go again with me, but he didn't seem sold on it a hundred percent. He's used to a more reverent style of church. I guess it's just really attractive to meet people who don't seem like they're judging you or that they're fake. Time will tell though... I hate that I'm skeptical about people. But too often I have put my trust in what I thought were good people and have been let down. *With the exception of Neil :) and a few people from our last church. Anyway, I had such a good day yesterday after we left the new church, it made me want to go back. I'll let you know more about it later.

I don't know how often I'll have a chance to blog before the wedding.... but maybe I will again because I'll have a lot on my mind!

Who knew The Beatles were so romantic?

Just so you know, the title of this blog is a little sarcastic, but it's good sarcasm :). A few days ago, Neil and I watched the movie "Pleasantville" and there's a Beatles song that was remade for that movie, you might have heard it: "Across the Universe." Neil really liked that song, and I was interested in listening to the original. So, I looked it up on YouTube and of course, YouTube has a million of "If you like this video, click on this video..." So I was listening to a lot of Beatles songs and it hit me....

I really like the Beatles. When I was younger, I didn't get the hoopla when my parents and teachers and adults would talk about how there was a "Beatles craze" when they first came to the states because they had long hair and all the girls went gaga over them. Lol. But their music is so much fun!

So on our way back from Springfield, (after our last premarital counseling session!) I asked Neil if we could stop at Best Buy because I wanted to buy a Beatles CD. For some stupid reason, the Beatles music isn't available to purchase on iTunes. But anyway, Neil was like, "eh... I've had a long day, I kind of just want to go home." And I said "ok" reluctantly but just trying to understand and thought I could go back to get the CD some other time. Well, then he surprised me and took me to get the CD anyway :).

Best $13 ever spent! (I had $4 store credit lol). I got the "1" album and popped it in when we got home. Neil and I did a couple chores in the kitchen and then went into the living room to listen to the disc. At first we sat on the couch and kind of bobbed around in place singing "I wanna hold your hand." And then Neil had enough of that. He got me up off the couch and we danced together. And it was so much fun! I was a little nervous about it because my back has been going through so much trauma lately... but it was so nice to have a distraction. And it was really good for Neil and I. In the middle of our dancing, Neil had me smiling and laughing so much that my cheeks were hurting.

When we first started dating, we used to dance together all the time. We still have on and off over the period of our relationship and it's always been fun. I love having him hold me close and I love it when he spins me around and dips me and kisses me all over! It's good for us to have those times in our relationship; it keeps things fresh and at the same time reminds me of how much fun we had together when we first fell in love with each other.

And on a different note, last night I was watching the show "King of the Hill" and it was hysterical because Hank threw his back out while trying to lift two giant tanks of propane... and I felt like I could relate! lol. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0hYOntx4Yg
Anyway it had me cracking up to the point of tears because Hank is bent over like an old man and his son Bobby walks by and says "Are you okay Dad? Maybe you should try walking it off." To that he responds, "That's a good idea Bobby, I'll try that later." OH my! I'm still laughing as I type it. You might be wondering how this relates to my Beatles story.

Here's my bottom line:

Laughter and The Beatles combined... is the best medicine! (I slept the whole night through last night and didn't wake up with back pain). Thanks God for answering my prayers. :)

I feel like I'm hexed

It's like this.... there's so much to be happy about and "Satan," "The Devil," or "The Enemy" ... whatever you want to call that asshole is trying to steal my joy. Here I have been for months, back not bothering me. Then, of course, a month before my wedding, my muscles spasm twice as much to make up for lost time or something. There's also another health issue going on which I just found out about last week... but I'd rather not share that with the world. And I'm getting gray hairs at age 24. On top of all this, my classes are extremely demanding and I'm stressed out. I feel like this isn't fair. Why on earth do things like this always happen to me? It's like one minute I feel like things are going great but then the next minute I can't reap the enjoyment out of the things good in my life. I wish that focker would just leave me alone.

God,
Please fill me with your holy spirit. Have mercy on my body which is going through so much agony. Help me to put all this pain aside and to enjoy my wedding day. Help me to enjoy the next few weeks, too. God, you are all powerful and caring. This is what your word says to us. In your word, I read about Jesus healing the blind and raising the dead.... surely stopping my muscle spasms in my back is child's play compared to those things. God, will you please relieve my pain?
Amen