What has church become?

I offered to help volunteer for our church's youth group. If you recall earlier in one of my posts, I explained the application process and how I was worried I might not be able to help. After that, I had spoken with the youth minister and he told me things would work out and everything would be fine. So... I attended the youth group for two weeks in a row and sat in on a small group as well. I didn't go last week because the "milk chug" did not sound appealing to me. Imagine it, and you probably wouldn't like it either. So this week, I show up with my Bible in hand and as I walk up to the kiosks where they keep track of attendance (I don't get the purpose of having all the kids sign into the computer for that either by the way) a woman whom I have never met, or at least don't remember meeting, stops me dead in my tracks and says, "You! Wait over here with me for a minute." So I stand next to her, silently, as all the kids pile in and she directs the traffic. I'm so confused at this point. The thoughts going through my head are: Am I supposed to be helping her with something? Does she think I'm a student? I'm totally unaware. So after about three minutes of standing in bewilderment, I ask her "So... if you don't mind, could you tell me why I'm standing here?"
"(Youth Minister's Name) asked me to talk to you. We understand that you've been sitting in on one of the girl's small groups and you're not supposed to be doing that since you live with your boyfriend."

Double whammy. Talk about a slap in the face. I'm under the impression that even though my FIANCE (side note: fiance, not boyfriend... he's going to be my husband in two months. I felt like that downplayed our relationship quite a bit) and I live together, and I had explained to almost the whole church staff that we are not having sex and we're trying live inside God's guidelines, that the youth minister still felt I could volunteer and they could use me in the youth group. This is what was conveyed to me, anyway.

So I'm taken into a separate room and it is explained to me that I am not fit to be a student leader because of my lifestyle. To that I responded, (paraphrase) it's not like I was going to be wearing my living arrangements on my sleeve. After much discussion I'm told (in so many words) that the staff would treat an alcoholic leader the same way. This statement of course brings me to tears. I can't believe that is what I'm being compared to! My situation is completely different! Don't people know that there are plenty of couples that don't live together but they still have sex and/or spend the night with each other? Even though Neil and I live together, we don't have sex. We pray together, we read scripture together, we are growing together as a couple and with God at the center. Isn't that the point? This whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth and I began to question whether or not I even wanted to go back to church. I'm not fit to be a leader because I'm honest about my weaknesses and am still trying to do right... but who knows what could be going on in other people's lives? Has anyone ever heard of a church leader living a double lifestyle.. saying one thing and doing another? I know I have. You never know what a person is doing unless they are honest and open with you.

I was told that after Neil and I are married, I'm welcome to join on the youth group as a leader. Does that make any sense? If they feel as though my character is right for this role, what difference does a couple of months make? This is all legalities. The worst part in my head is that these girls that I got to know are going to wonder what happened to me...and then I'll be back in two months. So I asked, what do I do in the meantime. And I guess they're going to work on something for me.

However, This whole experience has left me feeling so upset and hurt. Honestly, I know that Neil and I living together might not have been the best decision at the time, but that decision has already been made. We are only two and a half months away from our wedding day. If Christ is willing to show a little grace, compassion and understanding, how come church is not? I understand that we should not budge on our core values.. but I also know that God doesn't see everything black and white. Every situation is different, there are shades of gray. It just becomes hard for church because "if we let one person slide, we have set a precedent." I just don't know what to think about any of this. I'm trying to figure out what God has to say about it all.