When it rains, it pours...

Today was overall a little dreary and sad. I really wasn't in the mood to go to classes... and honestly I don't feel like I learned much while I was there. After class, I came home and checked the mail. We got some more RSVPs for the wedding, so I thought that was cool :). But I didn't understand why one couple declined to attend even though they live in the same town as our wedding. I know I shouldn't be offended because I don't know what is going on with them that night... but my feelings were slightly hurt. They got a save the date months ago and it's not like they'd have to travel far. But then I thought about it some more and realized I'm not all that close to them anyway.. I was just hoping they'd come celebrate with us. After that, I checked my email to receive a message from my Aunt explaining to me that she, my grandmother and my other aunt on my dad's side aren't going to come to my bridal shower because my grandmother is attending her "annual school reunion," she already purchased the tickets for all three of them before because she didn't want to go by herself, and it's the day of the shower. I was a little baffled by that. I was really counting on at least my grandmother and aunt to show up, and neither are going to come. It really depresses me... I feel like I'm the back burner person sometimes. It's like people can take me or leave me... it's all whatever is convenient for them. I know I need to count my blessings, but it's hard when I feel like the people I really thought would be there for me, won't be. God says I'm special and that I matter in His eyes; I'm trying to grasp that in my sadness of this situation. I feel like the enemy is trying to make me feel not good enough... but God doesn't want me to believe that. And this cycle of depression gets worse for me because when a couple things happen that hurt my feelings in one day, for some reason I always go back throughout my entire life and remember things from years ago that have hurt me, and it convinces me that I'm not good enough and that I don't deserve anything that I've been given by God. Deep down, I know that's not true. It's just hard sometimes. I'm glad to say that at least no matter what happens in my relationships with my family, people who I thought were friends, or anyone else I come into contact with... that I will always have Neil. He sees something in me for some reason. He makes me feel like I'm important. That man is a true blessing in my life.... and geez I really need to remember that sometimes.