I love my new husband. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me... but he is a worry wart. He has the "worry virus." And it's a little contagious. I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that we were raised soooo differently (even though we also have a lot in common). My family has gone without and we survived. Now, when I say "gone without," what I mean is... there were times we didn't have a telephone, cable tv, money to go out to eat, etc. But we always had our necessities met. Now, I don't really agree with my mother's sense of work ethic and how we had our necessities met, but I've always known that God is watching out for me. And I'm still trying to accept that nothing that I have is mine... it is all a gift from Him. I believe that even though growing up was very difficult for me at times because I was teased for not having nice clothes or the newest gadget or even enough money to join the poms squad or take music lessons, in a way... it was all a blessing because I know how to depend on God even when things look bleak.
It's really hard for me to relate to Neil when he panics about our financial situation. Combined, him and I make more money in a month than my family of three or four (depending on the mood of my mother)lived off of when I was younger. I look at our situation and I feel blessed compared to where I've been before. I realize that God asks us to be good stewards of his gifts and that just because we have faith doesn't mean we should go out and spend all we have... but I'm not really worried about where we're at. Neil is. And it gets to me when his mood rubs off on me. I've changed my job 3 times in the past two years. I don't want to keep changing jobs because he feels like I'm not making enough money. I just graduated from college two days ago... I wish he'd just give me a chance to try to work extra shifts.
He says that he wants me to find something else because it's not worth the 25 minute drive to work for only $50. When I was younger, $50 was worth a 25 minute drive. He says that I'm not getting enough hours. He's right. BUT, I haven't even asked for more hours yet. I don't think the logical step after not getting enough hours is to quit your job and look for another one... I think the next step would be to talk to my boss about my hours.
He makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. But I'm really trying. It's hard when the holidays are around the corner and my graduation ceremony is a day away to want to change my availability right now. But I will in time. I'm just asking for a week.
I love him. But he needs to calm down and trust God. Maybe that's why I'm in his life. God doesn't want us to depend on our imperfect selves... he wants us to depend on him... that's how we get closer to him... by trusting him with everything.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you, not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
