Oh, the holidays

Easter is this Sunday, and wow, I'm actually thinking more about it this year than I think I ever have. Typically, Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the comfort of Christmas... the decorations, the children's plays, the big family gatherings with the huge family dinners, the gifts... I love getting gifts for other people, the music... "Chestnuts roasting.. on an open fire...Jackfrost nipping..at your nose..," I love the special Christmas Starbucks flavors and I really love all the fudge. So when I normally consider holidays, Christmas is the top of my list. Oh yeah, and I know we're celebrating the birth of Jesus. A joyous occasion... the birth of our savior.

So Easter, has always been a back burner holiday to me. I prefer Santa over an oversized rabbit, and I prefer stockings over a basket full of eggs. (Bunnies don't lay eggs, right?) But this year... I've been thinking of Easter a little differently... probably the way I should have been thinking of it all along. I think ever since I was a little girl, old enough to be told, my family shared with me the "real" meaning of Christmas and Easter. But I think I understood Christmas a little bit better than Easter. Maybe in my younger thinking, it was easier to get excited about a new baby than a 32 year old man- perfect man- being tortured on the cross and coming back to life. Good Friday was never really explained to me, or observed in my family. My parents weren't faithful church goers... and when I decided to go to church on my own, I don't remember a lot of emphasis placed on the "Holy Week." I think that's where my husband, in his catholic upbringing, benefited a little more than I did. The Holy Week tells the story of Jesus, day by day; here are some worth noting...

Palm Sunday- Jesus rode in on a donkey. The crowd cheering him on... worshiping the messiah.. and the whole time he knew what was ahead in the next few days.
Holy Thursday- The day Jesus foreshadowed to his disciples what was going to happen, and of course he instituted the Lord's Supper.
Good Friday- Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss... Jesus was taken into Roman custody, beaten nearly to death, forced to carry a cross up a hill, where he was then nailed to it and he bled out his perfect life, to save us from ourselves.
Easter Sunday- The resurrection... The tomb was rolled away and empty. Jesus appeared to the disciples and told them to tell the rest of the world about him, so that his sacrifice would save the world.

Wow. That's a remarkable story. There is so much emotion, drama and love in it... and it's a TRUE STORY. Not a fairy tale. I think as a kid, hearing about these stories of Jesus, and bible stories in general... you might think it's a fairy tale. But when you consider it a real story... something that happened in history... it becomes personal. On Palm Sunday, it was us celebrating his arrival. On Holy Thursday, he was talking to us at the table of the Last Supper. On Good Friday, it wasn't just Judas who betrayed him with a kiss. It was me and you. It wasn't just the Romans who beat him nearly to death. You and I did that. We nailed him to the cross. We mocked him. We told him we hated him. Every time we sin... every time we let our pride get in the way, every time we are dishonest, when we take something that doesn't belong to us... when we cheat, when we dishonor other people, ... when we _____ (fill in the blank)... we are the ones slashing his back. We are the ones spitting on him. We are the ones pressing the crown of thorns on his head. We are the ones... and he said...

Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Yeah.

He said, They don't know what they're doing. Have mercy on them.

About us.

That's what Good Friday is about.

"And all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me."

He must love us a lot, huh?

And a miracle followed, because death couldn't keep him. He beat it. He came back from the grave. It does make it sound like a story... like a fairytale. But it's not! It really happened!

"Christ is risen from the dead...trampling over death by death... come awake, come awake.. come and rise up from the grave..."

Easter is so much more than getting excited about spring; chocolate bunnies and speckled eggs. A real man... a real perfect man, loved me so much... he wanted to save me from myself. He went through hell and back (literally) to demonstrate his love... and all he asks for is my time. He wants me to follow in his footsteps and dedicate my life to his cause. After hell and back, is it really that much to ask? We owe him our lives... after what we did to him and what he has done for us... and he just wants a relationship.

Now, that's what I call romantic. It kinda puts both Christmas and Easter in a better light. Christmas- the birth of our savior... Easter- the resurrection of our savior...It's all pretty much about the same thing. We are free in Christ.

"Like a rolling stone, Like a runaway train... no turning back, no more yesterdays... my heart is free... no chains on me... God you raise me up, up from the grave with the cross before me, I'm on my way.. my heart is free...
No chains on me..."

Happy Easter.

I'm So Blessed....

Hooray! I've been accepted into the graduate social work program at SIUE! I'm going to grad school for sure :)

Neil and I are taking a vacation to Jamaica, our belated honeymoon in less than a month.

We're buying our first house after we get back from Jamaica!

Life is so wonderful. God is so good.

Here is my dilemma...

"One must train the habit of Faith. The first step is to realize that moods change...We have to be continually reminded of what we believe....(Faith) must be fed....if you examined a hundred people who had lost their faith in Christianity, I wonder how many of them would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by honest argument? Do not most people simply drift away?" CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

I forget how good he is. I forget the things he does for me. When I found out I got accepted into grad school... something that I had been praying for... for months, I was thrilled for a few hours. The excitement wore off... and I continued to be ungrateful. The same thing happened when I found out we got the house.

Why is the human condition this way? Why do some things make us happy and then we forget and move on? We get so used to things so quickly.. we take everything for granted. Well, when I say "we," I'm assuming other people are just like me. So maybe I should say "I," because for all I really know, I could be the only one. But I don't think I am. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, psychological author of "The How of Happiness," circumstances only make up 10% of our overall happiness. This means that 90% is up to us- our biological disposition and our own choices. So maybe I'm not alone in that.

I just pray overall that with God's help I can be a more happy and grateful person. I really do have a lot to be happy about. Sometimes, I wonder if I have a mental illness... no matter how hard I try to be happy, it is so shortly-lived and it makes me feel like something is really wrong.

For example, I love my husband and then I dislike him.. and then I love him again. All within an hour time span.

Any thoughts? I'm going to keep on going forward... and praying to God...

Thank you for my loving husband
Thank you for answering my prayers about grad school
Thank you for our new home
Thank you for our upcoming trip
Thank you for financial security
Thank you for worship music
Thank you for your overall presence, revealed in my life by the little things...
Everyday.

Amen.

Limbo

Limbo is an awful place to be...

I have a lot riding on whether or not I'm accepted into a graduate program. I'm a little bummed that I still haven't heard anything. I called the school and they said that I should know on or around April 15. That's a week from now, and I already feel like I've waited long enough. Here is why I'm dying to know:

I want to register for classes.
I want to know if it's worth all the sweat to try to get an assistantship... it would feel like a waste to do all that work and find out it was for nothing.
I need to know if my student loans are going to be deferred because Neil and I are planning on taking out a mortgage...
I want to know if I should start looking for a full time job with my Bachelor's degree.
I want to know if I should start preparing for being a college student again.
I need to be able to plan the rest of my life!!!

How come they can't just tell me already? :(