Marriage is hard.

I'm parked outside my apartment, furiously playing wheel of fortune...and I'm super pissed. Just yesterday, I asked my husband if I could borrow his student ID so that I might have the opportunity to go work out at siue's gym. Yeah, it's against the rules... but it's not like he's getting any use out of his student activity fees. I didn't go today... it was all snowy and gross outside. I only left the house to go to the store to buy ingredients for tomato soup... my husband's request. After dinner, I offered to watch a movie with my husband that he had chosen... one he knows that I dislike but he thinks if I watch it with him... I'll like it better or something. I offered to watch this show with him to make him happy. Before we get to the show, he asked me if I had gone to work out. Which is silly, because he knew the answer since I told him that I hadn't left the house but to go to the store. So that pissed me off in itself. He asked me if I was planning on going to work out tomorrow morning between us visiting with our realtor to make an offer on our house and me driving to springfield to spend time with my grandmother. Excuse me? No. That does not sound appealing whatsoever. If anything, being a more relational being, if I'm not coming back home to take a nap after our early endeavor with the realtor, then I'd more likely head to springfield and visit my grandma for the whole day. So I told him, "no, that's not really what I want to do." Of course, that escalated into an argument... which before it did, I had a sense that it was going to and calmly asked Neil to drop the subject... "let's go watch a movie instead." He WOULDN'T LET IT GO. "No.. I want to talk with you." He said. BAD MOVE. What the eff is his problem anyway? He doesn't work out and he thinks he has the right to tell me to exercise?!!!! What does he want from me? He makes me feel like I'm fat... or that if I gain weight he's going to have a huge problem with it. What a vain jerk. It was my idea to go work out in the first place... not even 24 hours pass and he's expecting that I should have hit the gym already. I'll do it when I damnwell please. I have no where to go... and I don't want to sleep in the same room as him. So I'm out in my car trying to figure out what to do. Marriage is hard.

and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

The past couple years sure have been a time of growth and improvement in my life. I got married; I graduated from college with my 2nd degree; I've inherited a wonderful family; I'm going to church regularly.... things are just getting better. I'm still at a midpoint in that I'm waiting patiently to hear from graduate programs on my pending acceptance but life just keeps going on and improving! I feel like I'm moving on up in the world... so to speak. :) I'm 25 years old and married to a wonderful hard-working man who is wise in more ways than one. And praise God for his keen financial intellect and discipline, because we were pre-approved for a mortgage! We're getting a house! This makes me so happy because never in my life have I been in a home that wasn't rented. The plan is to have the house chosen, the contract made up and hopefully ready to move in by the end of June... when our current lease on our apt is up.

I've spent a lot of time in the past couple days looking at houses. It was fun at first, but I'm already tired of it. We have a lot to figure out. Our budget is $100-$125 with a few zeroes and we're looking for some pretty specific things. The top of Neil's must have list: 2 car garage; 2 bathrooms; 3 bedrooms. The top of my list: 3 bedrooms; large kitchen/dining room; absolutely NO WOODEN PANELING. Ick.

It's tough to find exactly what you want for the price you plan to pay... and I wonder if we find a house listed for more than our budget how far down we might be willing to negotiate. It will be a learning experience for sure.

Thinking about having this house with my husband and raising our future children in it is pretty darn exciting. It has given Neil and I a lot of positive conversation material... and even though we disagree on some things and necessities, I really do think it will be a positive experience if we keep God involved. Still working on that whole not being irritable thing... it's hard. Relationships are work. But it's definitely the fun things that make it all worth it :) I can't imagine house shopping with anyone else!

Heavenly Father,
Thanks for all the blessings you have poured out in my life. Help me to count them when it's easy to overlook them.
Amen.

"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high...
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby...
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue...
and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true...."