I wanna hold your hand

Today is another long day where I have to battle with my senioritis; I know I should study but I can't help but daydream. I just started missing Neil a little bit because he's at work... he had to get up pretty early this morning. Almost everyday, I vaguely remember him telling me he loves me and saying goodbye while I'm half conscious. I usually cut him short or get slightly annoyed because at the time, I just wanna roll back over and go to sleep. I'm pretty selfish with my sleep. And then of course I always regret being that way every morning, because when I wake up he is gone at work and I just wish I could give him a hug.

I started to reminisce about the time before we were dating. It's strange how at the time, I hated that part of our relationship. It's so uncomfortable when you have feelings for someone and you study their every move and every word constantly wondering if they are going to return your sentiments. Looking back on that time, I don't hate it anymore. I love thinking about it. It is actually so cute. Of course, now I know that he felt the same way and that makes a difference.

I remember the night of my birthday party, I was getting ready to turn 23. I put together this huge shindig on facebook, and invited so many people...but the only person I really cared about showing up was him. We all went out to dinner and he sat next to me, which I took to mean something of course. After dinner, we went dancing in St Louis. I kept trying to get his attention by shaking my body and wiggling all seductively. To my dismay, he walked outside with a group of people at one point and I didn't notice until I turned back around. Here I am, wiggling my tush hoping that this handsome young prince will be watching, and my only audience is some ugly drunken buffoon. Of course, I hopped off the table I was dancing on to go find my love interest... outside where it was nice and somewhat chilly dancing with the rest of the people I had invited to my birthday party. "It's too hot in there," he said. I did get to dance with him that night though... ironically, to the song "patience" by Guns N Roses.

The car ride home was worth all the embarrassment I had experienced that evening. We had all carpooled in about three different cars, and I was lucky enough to ride back in the same car Neil was riding in. I sat in the back seat with him. About half way through the ride, I held on to his hand and laid my head on his shoulder. To my pleasure, he wasn't weird-ed out by it. I actually came to find out that he liked it. a lot. :)