When writing this blog, I do a lot of venting. Some of you may read the words I say when things between Neil and I are at their worst and get worried. Don't worry. My husband is a blessing from God and I love him to death. I know he loves me too. We just get into a lot of crap, like everyone else does. Anyway, today I talked to him about how I felt like he has "gotten used to me," and how I don't feel as appreciated as I did when we were first dating. This is a normal feeling since we're past the dating stage, but it's still good to keep romance alive even after you've been married for a long time. That way, when you have problems, you can remember the good things easier because they are recent.
After telling Neil how I felt, he did the sweetest thing. I was at my friend's house today in Springfield. He called me and told me that he "made me something" that he wanted to give to me when I got back. It was a card :) And it was really cute.
On the front of the card, he drew a door... and it says "If you're a special lady, come on inside..."
He wrote a poem inside. :)
I asked God to put a good woman in my life
To Him I truly pleaded
Instead of just giving me what I wanted
He gave me exactly what I needed.
"Brandy," He said. "She's the one I shall join to you.
You might not always see eye-to-eye, but with MY help
there is nothing your marriage can't do."
So I trust that the Lord knows what He's doing,
and wrote this poem for a woman in dire need of woo-ing.
I guess he's not that bad... and he's always telling me that my blog is lopsided on my perspective. I tend to only write when I'm frustrated with him or angry. But, just to show you all who read that my husband really is a good guy, I thought today I'd write a good blog about him.
Love you Neil.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Negative Comments...
Sometimes it's really hard to feel love toward my husband when I feel negativity coming my direction. Maybe I'm the one who needs to change and let things go more. However, I feel like my ideas aren't valued. It is often the case where I come up with an idea about something or other and Neil disagrees with me and I feel like I have to fight with him and defend my idea before he finally "allows" it, as if I need a person in my life who "allows" my ideas. I do often feel like I'm being controlled. It's to the point now where I can anticipate an argument if I bring up something that might initiate a change in what we've already been doing or anything for that matter. For example, we've been keeping our broom and dustpan in the kitchen since we've been living together. The reason why we did that at our apartment was because there was no where else to put it. Now, in our house we have a laundry room that is connected to the kitchen. I thought it would be a good idea to keep the broom back there because it's not often that I see a broom as a staple kitchen decoration. Since we have the space we should use it. So I asked Neil, "What do you think about putting the broom in the laundry room instead of the kitchen?" His reply,
"No, I don't like that idea. I like it to be in the kitchen because I use it so much and can have immediate access to it."
My thoughts are ... so??? you can't walk an extra 4 feet to grab it out of the laundry room? I don't understand why that is such a big deal. You might agree with me that this argument is petty, but it's the little stuff like this that goes on daily in our marriage which causes me to feel unloved at times. It would be nice for me to offer up an idea or solution to something and be told that my idea was a good one... or even just hear, "oh yeah, that's fine with me." rather than feeling like I always have to have an argument ready to defend my point. It would be nice to be told that I did a good job when I offered help or was asked to help with something, it's more often that I hear criticism and am told how I could do better next time or what I did wrong. I think Paul was on to something when he wrote,
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29
Then again, maybe by posting this blog, I have fallen into the same problem as my husband. Oh the irony.
"No, I don't like that idea. I like it to be in the kitchen because I use it so much and can have immediate access to it."
My thoughts are ... so??? you can't walk an extra 4 feet to grab it out of the laundry room? I don't understand why that is such a big deal. You might agree with me that this argument is petty, but it's the little stuff like this that goes on daily in our marriage which causes me to feel unloved at times. It would be nice for me to offer up an idea or solution to something and be told that my idea was a good one... or even just hear, "oh yeah, that's fine with me." rather than feeling like I always have to have an argument ready to defend my point. It would be nice to be told that I did a good job when I offered help or was asked to help with something, it's more often that I hear criticism and am told how I could do better next time or what I did wrong. I think Paul was on to something when he wrote,
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29
Then again, maybe by posting this blog, I have fallen into the same problem as my husband. Oh the irony.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Time
I learned from Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages that my love language is quality time. Today has been a long day...
I was off from work, Neil was at work. It's company week. He told me that he would be out with his coworkers for a little while after work today. And I was fine with that... well a little.
I decided today, that since I had hours to myself, from the time I woke up at 10am until this evening, that I would be lazy and enjoy myself.. choosing to do whatever activities I wanted to do at the time... which consisted of eating junk food (which Neil hates to see), watching That 70s Show (which Neil also hates to watch) and practicing my guitar (which is difficult to do with an audience). I spent a lot of time today doing these things. I also lounged around on facebook and looked up information on different dogs on the internet as I'm trying to sway my husband into letting us adopt a pet.
Neil called me after work and reminded me that he would be home later tonight. (Normally he would be home at 6.30) I asked him if he knew what time I would see him. I have felt that we haven't been as physical as I'd like to be so I wanted to do something like that tonight... and he told me 9pm. I was a little disappointed in this, but I reluctantly obliged and said ok, see you at 9. So for the next few hours, I played more guitar, sat outside on the porch, watched more tv, ate more junk food, played wheel of fortune on the computer... etc.
9.45 rolls around, and I haven't heard anything from Neil. I would have thought he would have called to let me know he was on his way home. I missed him so much because I hadn't seen him all day. Now granted, I know I'm a little co-dependent. I'm working on this. But God was definitely testing my patience and growth in that area today. I felt like I had accomplished so much by doing the things I liked to do on my own and not being to worried about Neil. So, at 9.45 I called him. He answered the phone in a cheery voice and I heard a lot of noise in the background. He was still at the party with his company. And I was hurt by this. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was. Like I said, my love language is quality time and I feel like we haven't been as close lately, so I wanted some time with him.
I started out the conversation calm and asked him what was up and when he would be home. And then I got a little nuts and jealous ... not only of his time but of the fact that he was out doing the very thing with his coworkers that I wish he would be willing to do with me. I felt hurt, alone and left out. I started crying. And then I felt guilty for crying because I just ruined his fun. Misery loves company I guess.
He says, "brandy, it's okay, I'll come home now."
I said, "no don't, I don't want you to come home..." What am I? Do I have Multiple Personality Disorder? Here I am, getting the one thing I wanted, but then I didn't want it anymore. Like I said, this was the guilt for ruining his night.
We get off the phone and at this point I'm sobbing.
Ten minutes later he calls me back to tell me he is on his way home. And I'm still dissatisfied. I feel like there is no way to fix this mess. I wanted some sort of communication... to let me know he was going to be gone longer than he was. And it was too late. I didn't get it and I made his night as bad as mine.
I guess I'm really clingy. He only goes out with his company twice a year. But I'm jealous. I wanted a little bit of time with him today... just a little. And his coworkers got 98% of it. I feel like I would've been happy if they only got 85% of it even... and in that I'm growing. Because in the past, I would've wanted more.
Sigh.
I was off from work, Neil was at work. It's company week. He told me that he would be out with his coworkers for a little while after work today. And I was fine with that... well a little.
I decided today, that since I had hours to myself, from the time I woke up at 10am until this evening, that I would be lazy and enjoy myself.. choosing to do whatever activities I wanted to do at the time... which consisted of eating junk food (which Neil hates to see), watching That 70s Show (which Neil also hates to watch) and practicing my guitar (which is difficult to do with an audience). I spent a lot of time today doing these things. I also lounged around on facebook and looked up information on different dogs on the internet as I'm trying to sway my husband into letting us adopt a pet.
Neil called me after work and reminded me that he would be home later tonight. (Normally he would be home at 6.30) I asked him if he knew what time I would see him. I have felt that we haven't been as physical as I'd like to be so I wanted to do something like that tonight... and he told me 9pm. I was a little disappointed in this, but I reluctantly obliged and said ok, see you at 9. So for the next few hours, I played more guitar, sat outside on the porch, watched more tv, ate more junk food, played wheel of fortune on the computer... etc.
9.45 rolls around, and I haven't heard anything from Neil. I would have thought he would have called to let me know he was on his way home. I missed him so much because I hadn't seen him all day. Now granted, I know I'm a little co-dependent. I'm working on this. But God was definitely testing my patience and growth in that area today. I felt like I had accomplished so much by doing the things I liked to do on my own and not being to worried about Neil. So, at 9.45 I called him. He answered the phone in a cheery voice and I heard a lot of noise in the background. He was still at the party with his company. And I was hurt by this. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was. Like I said, my love language is quality time and I feel like we haven't been as close lately, so I wanted some time with him.
I started out the conversation calm and asked him what was up and when he would be home. And then I got a little nuts and jealous ... not only of his time but of the fact that he was out doing the very thing with his coworkers that I wish he would be willing to do with me. I felt hurt, alone and left out. I started crying. And then I felt guilty for crying because I just ruined his fun. Misery loves company I guess.
He says, "brandy, it's okay, I'll come home now."
I said, "no don't, I don't want you to come home..." What am I? Do I have Multiple Personality Disorder? Here I am, getting the one thing I wanted, but then I didn't want it anymore. Like I said, this was the guilt for ruining his night.
We get off the phone and at this point I'm sobbing.
Ten minutes later he calls me back to tell me he is on his way home. And I'm still dissatisfied. I feel like there is no way to fix this mess. I wanted some sort of communication... to let me know he was going to be gone longer than he was. And it was too late. I didn't get it and I made his night as bad as mine.
I guess I'm really clingy. He only goes out with his company twice a year. But I'm jealous. I wanted a little bit of time with him today... just a little. And his coworkers got 98% of it. I feel like I would've been happy if they only got 85% of it even... and in that I'm growing. Because in the past, I would've wanted more.
Sigh.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Fairy Tales and Chick Flicks Really Screwed Me Up
My favorite bedtime stories when I was a child were Cinderella, Rapunzel and Snow White. And even before I got married, The Notebook, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and Titanic were my films of choice. This created a monster in me.
I have some serious expectations for my husband... and they're not very fair.
1. Your husband will put your needs above his own or anyone else's (friends, family, etc).
2. Romantic gestures should be over the top and occur at least once a day.
3. He will always be the first to apologize and admit the conflict was his fault.
4. Your husband finds you drop dead gorgeous everyday, and is gaga over you... knowing that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him, no matter how much of a pain in the ass you might be.
5. As a matter of fact, he finds your annoying habits a bit quirky and endearing.
6. And he will change his annoying habits.
7. Sex will always be romantic- candles lit all over the room, rose petals on the bed, no need for more than one minute of foreplay and soft sensual music cued up in the background...and never an awkward moment.
8. He will be artistic/poetic/musical and you will be his muse.
9. Your husband will never say anything wrong.
10. No matter what, he will always be happy to see you after a long day at work.
Notice some problems here? Maybe my expectations are unrealistic...
I'm actually figuring that out pretty quick. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, and I guess that all these love stories were my idea of an escape from that family life. I thought my husband would be my hero, my knight in shining armor, who would come to my rescue on his big white horse and fix everything that my parents were doing wrong. We would never argue or fight, like I did with my family, because we were in love and that love is perfect and nothing would ever get in the way of our gratitude toward each other.
But somehow, after the euphoria of finding Mr Perfect wore off... I learned that he's an imperfect person too. And my dysfunctional lifestyle has crept into my married life as well.. and I need to change it. I resort back to old habits of yelling, screaming, crying and running away...all the reactions I had toward conflict as a little girl. My growth in handling conflict somehow was stunted and hopefully I can train myself enough in the fruit of the spirit to know how to handle myself better in these situations.
Having these crazy expectations of my husband to be the person who fulfills all of my desires is unhealthy and damaging to our marriage. The only one who I will find fulfillment in is Christ, because he's the only one who is perfect when I'm not. I feel so sorry to my husband for placing all this pressure on him to be something for me which he can't possibly be. I just pray that God helps me to love him for who he is now and that we're able to grow together, learning from each other how to be more Christ-like to one another and to the world.
I have some serious expectations for my husband... and they're not very fair.
1. Your husband will put your needs above his own or anyone else's (friends, family, etc).
2. Romantic gestures should be over the top and occur at least once a day.
3. He will always be the first to apologize and admit the conflict was his fault.
4. Your husband finds you drop dead gorgeous everyday, and is gaga over you... knowing that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him, no matter how much of a pain in the ass you might be.
5. As a matter of fact, he finds your annoying habits a bit quirky and endearing.
6. And he will change his annoying habits.
7. Sex will always be romantic- candles lit all over the room, rose petals on the bed, no need for more than one minute of foreplay and soft sensual music cued up in the background...and never an awkward moment.
8. He will be artistic/poetic/musical and you will be his muse.
9. Your husband will never say anything wrong.
10. No matter what, he will always be happy to see you after a long day at work.
Notice some problems here? Maybe my expectations are unrealistic...
I'm actually figuring that out pretty quick. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, and I guess that all these love stories were my idea of an escape from that family life. I thought my husband would be my hero, my knight in shining armor, who would come to my rescue on his big white horse and fix everything that my parents were doing wrong. We would never argue or fight, like I did with my family, because we were in love and that love is perfect and nothing would ever get in the way of our gratitude toward each other.
But somehow, after the euphoria of finding Mr Perfect wore off... I learned that he's an imperfect person too. And my dysfunctional lifestyle has crept into my married life as well.. and I need to change it. I resort back to old habits of yelling, screaming, crying and running away...all the reactions I had toward conflict as a little girl. My growth in handling conflict somehow was stunted and hopefully I can train myself enough in the fruit of the spirit to know how to handle myself better in these situations.
Having these crazy expectations of my husband to be the person who fulfills all of my desires is unhealthy and damaging to our marriage. The only one who I will find fulfillment in is Christ, because he's the only one who is perfect when I'm not. I feel so sorry to my husband for placing all this pressure on him to be something for me which he can't possibly be. I just pray that God helps me to love him for who he is now and that we're able to grow together, learning from each other how to be more Christ-like to one another and to the world.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Oh, the holidays
Easter is this Sunday, and wow, I'm actually thinking more about it this year than I think I ever have. Typically, Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the comfort of Christmas... the decorations, the children's plays, the big family gatherings with the huge family dinners, the gifts... I love getting gifts for other people, the music... "Chestnuts roasting.. on an open fire...Jackfrost nipping..at your nose..," I love the special Christmas Starbucks flavors and I really love all the fudge. So when I normally consider holidays, Christmas is the top of my list. Oh yeah, and I know we're celebrating the birth of Jesus. A joyous occasion... the birth of our savior.
So Easter, has always been a back burner holiday to me. I prefer Santa over an oversized rabbit, and I prefer stockings over a basket full of eggs. (Bunnies don't lay eggs, right?) But this year... I've been thinking of Easter a little differently... probably the way I should have been thinking of it all along. I think ever since I was a little girl, old enough to be told, my family shared with me the "real" meaning of Christmas and Easter. But I think I understood Christmas a little bit better than Easter. Maybe in my younger thinking, it was easier to get excited about a new baby than a 32 year old man- perfect man- being tortured on the cross and coming back to life. Good Friday was never really explained to me, or observed in my family. My parents weren't faithful church goers... and when I decided to go to church on my own, I don't remember a lot of emphasis placed on the "Holy Week." I think that's where my husband, in his catholic upbringing, benefited a little more than I did. The Holy Week tells the story of Jesus, day by day; here are some worth noting...
Palm Sunday- Jesus rode in on a donkey. The crowd cheering him on... worshiping the messiah.. and the whole time he knew what was ahead in the next few days.
Holy Thursday- The day Jesus foreshadowed to his disciples what was going to happen, and of course he instituted the Lord's Supper.
Good Friday- Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss... Jesus was taken into Roman custody, beaten nearly to death, forced to carry a cross up a hill, where he was then nailed to it and he bled out his perfect life, to save us from ourselves.
Easter Sunday- The resurrection... The tomb was rolled away and empty. Jesus appeared to the disciples and told them to tell the rest of the world about him, so that his sacrifice would save the world.
Wow. That's a remarkable story. There is so much emotion, drama and love in it... and it's a TRUE STORY. Not a fairy tale. I think as a kid, hearing about these stories of Jesus, and bible stories in general... you might think it's a fairy tale. But when you consider it a real story... something that happened in history... it becomes personal. On Palm Sunday, it was us celebrating his arrival. On Holy Thursday, he was talking to us at the table of the Last Supper. On Good Friday, it wasn't just Judas who betrayed him with a kiss. It was me and you. It wasn't just the Romans who beat him nearly to death. You and I did that. We nailed him to the cross. We mocked him. We told him we hated him. Every time we sin... every time we let our pride get in the way, every time we are dishonest, when we take something that doesn't belong to us... when we cheat, when we dishonor other people, ... when we _____ (fill in the blank)... we are the ones slashing his back. We are the ones spitting on him. We are the ones pressing the crown of thorns on his head. We are the ones... and he said...
Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.
Yeah.
He said, They don't know what they're doing. Have mercy on them.
About us.
That's what Good Friday is about.
"And all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me."
He must love us a lot, huh?
And a miracle followed, because death couldn't keep him. He beat it. He came back from the grave. It does make it sound like a story... like a fairytale. But it's not! It really happened!
"Christ is risen from the dead...trampling over death by death... come awake, come awake.. come and rise up from the grave..."
Easter is so much more than getting excited about spring; chocolate bunnies and speckled eggs. A real man... a real perfect man, loved me so much... he wanted to save me from myself. He went through hell and back (literally) to demonstrate his love... and all he asks for is my time. He wants me to follow in his footsteps and dedicate my life to his cause. After hell and back, is it really that much to ask? We owe him our lives... after what we did to him and what he has done for us... and he just wants a relationship.
Now, that's what I call romantic. It kinda puts both Christmas and Easter in a better light. Christmas- the birth of our savior... Easter- the resurrection of our savior...It's all pretty much about the same thing. We are free in Christ.
"Like a rolling stone, Like a runaway train... no turning back, no more yesterdays... my heart is free... no chains on me... God you raise me up, up from the grave with the cross before me, I'm on my way.. my heart is free...
No chains on me..."
Happy Easter.
So Easter, has always been a back burner holiday to me. I prefer Santa over an oversized rabbit, and I prefer stockings over a basket full of eggs. (Bunnies don't lay eggs, right?) But this year... I've been thinking of Easter a little differently... probably the way I should have been thinking of it all along. I think ever since I was a little girl, old enough to be told, my family shared with me the "real" meaning of Christmas and Easter. But I think I understood Christmas a little bit better than Easter. Maybe in my younger thinking, it was easier to get excited about a new baby than a 32 year old man- perfect man- being tortured on the cross and coming back to life. Good Friday was never really explained to me, or observed in my family. My parents weren't faithful church goers... and when I decided to go to church on my own, I don't remember a lot of emphasis placed on the "Holy Week." I think that's where my husband, in his catholic upbringing, benefited a little more than I did. The Holy Week tells the story of Jesus, day by day; here are some worth noting...
Palm Sunday- Jesus rode in on a donkey. The crowd cheering him on... worshiping the messiah.. and the whole time he knew what was ahead in the next few days.
Holy Thursday- The day Jesus foreshadowed to his disciples what was going to happen, and of course he instituted the Lord's Supper.
Good Friday- Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss... Jesus was taken into Roman custody, beaten nearly to death, forced to carry a cross up a hill, where he was then nailed to it and he bled out his perfect life, to save us from ourselves.
Easter Sunday- The resurrection... The tomb was rolled away and empty. Jesus appeared to the disciples and told them to tell the rest of the world about him, so that his sacrifice would save the world.
Wow. That's a remarkable story. There is so much emotion, drama and love in it... and it's a TRUE STORY. Not a fairy tale. I think as a kid, hearing about these stories of Jesus, and bible stories in general... you might think it's a fairy tale. But when you consider it a real story... something that happened in history... it becomes personal. On Palm Sunday, it was us celebrating his arrival. On Holy Thursday, he was talking to us at the table of the Last Supper. On Good Friday, it wasn't just Judas who betrayed him with a kiss. It was me and you. It wasn't just the Romans who beat him nearly to death. You and I did that. We nailed him to the cross. We mocked him. We told him we hated him. Every time we sin... every time we let our pride get in the way, every time we are dishonest, when we take something that doesn't belong to us... when we cheat, when we dishonor other people, ... when we _____ (fill in the blank)... we are the ones slashing his back. We are the ones spitting on him. We are the ones pressing the crown of thorns on his head. We are the ones... and he said...
Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.
Yeah.
He said, They don't know what they're doing. Have mercy on them.
About us.
That's what Good Friday is about.
"And all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me."
He must love us a lot, huh?
And a miracle followed, because death couldn't keep him. He beat it. He came back from the grave. It does make it sound like a story... like a fairytale. But it's not! It really happened!
"Christ is risen from the dead...trampling over death by death... come awake, come awake.. come and rise up from the grave..."
Easter is so much more than getting excited about spring; chocolate bunnies and speckled eggs. A real man... a real perfect man, loved me so much... he wanted to save me from myself. He went through hell and back (literally) to demonstrate his love... and all he asks for is my time. He wants me to follow in his footsteps and dedicate my life to his cause. After hell and back, is it really that much to ask? We owe him our lives... after what we did to him and what he has done for us... and he just wants a relationship.
Now, that's what I call romantic. It kinda puts both Christmas and Easter in a better light. Christmas- the birth of our savior... Easter- the resurrection of our savior...It's all pretty much about the same thing. We are free in Christ.
"Like a rolling stone, Like a runaway train... no turning back, no more yesterdays... my heart is free... no chains on me... God you raise me up, up from the grave with the cross before me, I'm on my way.. my heart is free...
No chains on me..."
Happy Easter.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I'm So Blessed....
Hooray! I've been accepted into the graduate social work program at SIUE! I'm going to grad school for sure :)
Neil and I are taking a vacation to Jamaica, our belated honeymoon in less than a month.
We're buying our first house after we get back from Jamaica!
Life is so wonderful. God is so good.
Here is my dilemma...
"One must train the habit of Faith. The first step is to realize that moods change...We have to be continually reminded of what we believe....(Faith) must be fed....if you examined a hundred people who had lost their faith in Christianity, I wonder how many of them would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by honest argument? Do not most people simply drift away?" CS Lewis, Mere Christianity
I forget how good he is. I forget the things he does for me. When I found out I got accepted into grad school... something that I had been praying for... for months, I was thrilled for a few hours. The excitement wore off... and I continued to be ungrateful. The same thing happened when I found out we got the house.
Why is the human condition this way? Why do some things make us happy and then we forget and move on? We get so used to things so quickly.. we take everything for granted. Well, when I say "we," I'm assuming other people are just like me. So maybe I should say "I," because for all I really know, I could be the only one. But I don't think I am. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, psychological author of "The How of Happiness," circumstances only make up 10% of our overall happiness. This means that 90% is up to us- our biological disposition and our own choices. So maybe I'm not alone in that.
I just pray overall that with God's help I can be a more happy and grateful person. I really do have a lot to be happy about. Sometimes, I wonder if I have a mental illness... no matter how hard I try to be happy, it is so shortly-lived and it makes me feel like something is really wrong.
For example, I love my husband and then I dislike him.. and then I love him again. All within an hour time span.
Any thoughts? I'm going to keep on going forward... and praying to God...
Thank you for my loving husband
Thank you for answering my prayers about grad school
Thank you for our new home
Thank you for our upcoming trip
Thank you for financial security
Thank you for worship music
Thank you for your overall presence, revealed in my life by the little things...
Everyday.
Amen.
Neil and I are taking a vacation to Jamaica, our belated honeymoon in less than a month.
We're buying our first house after we get back from Jamaica!
Life is so wonderful. God is so good.
Here is my dilemma...
"One must train the habit of Faith. The first step is to realize that moods change...We have to be continually reminded of what we believe....(Faith) must be fed....if you examined a hundred people who had lost their faith in Christianity, I wonder how many of them would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by honest argument? Do not most people simply drift away?" CS Lewis, Mere Christianity
I forget how good he is. I forget the things he does for me. When I found out I got accepted into grad school... something that I had been praying for... for months, I was thrilled for a few hours. The excitement wore off... and I continued to be ungrateful. The same thing happened when I found out we got the house.
Why is the human condition this way? Why do some things make us happy and then we forget and move on? We get so used to things so quickly.. we take everything for granted. Well, when I say "we," I'm assuming other people are just like me. So maybe I should say "I," because for all I really know, I could be the only one. But I don't think I am. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, psychological author of "The How of Happiness," circumstances only make up 10% of our overall happiness. This means that 90% is up to us- our biological disposition and our own choices. So maybe I'm not alone in that.
I just pray overall that with God's help I can be a more happy and grateful person. I really do have a lot to be happy about. Sometimes, I wonder if I have a mental illness... no matter how hard I try to be happy, it is so shortly-lived and it makes me feel like something is really wrong.
For example, I love my husband and then I dislike him.. and then I love him again. All within an hour time span.
Any thoughts? I'm going to keep on going forward... and praying to God...
Thank you for my loving husband
Thank you for answering my prayers about grad school
Thank you for our new home
Thank you for our upcoming trip
Thank you for financial security
Thank you for worship music
Thank you for your overall presence, revealed in my life by the little things...
Everyday.
Amen.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Limbo
Limbo is an awful place to be...
I have a lot riding on whether or not I'm accepted into a graduate program. I'm a little bummed that I still haven't heard anything. I called the school and they said that I should know on or around April 15. That's a week from now, and I already feel like I've waited long enough. Here is why I'm dying to know:
I want to register for classes.
I want to know if it's worth all the sweat to try to get an assistantship... it would feel like a waste to do all that work and find out it was for nothing.
I need to know if my student loans are going to be deferred because Neil and I are planning on taking out a mortgage...
I want to know if I should start looking for a full time job with my Bachelor's degree.
I want to know if I should start preparing for being a college student again.
I need to be able to plan the rest of my life!!!
How come they can't just tell me already? :(
I have a lot riding on whether or not I'm accepted into a graduate program. I'm a little bummed that I still haven't heard anything. I called the school and they said that I should know on or around April 15. That's a week from now, and I already feel like I've waited long enough. Here is why I'm dying to know:
I want to register for classes.
I want to know if it's worth all the sweat to try to get an assistantship... it would feel like a waste to do all that work and find out it was for nothing.
I need to know if my student loans are going to be deferred because Neil and I are planning on taking out a mortgage...
I want to know if I should start looking for a full time job with my Bachelor's degree.
I want to know if I should start preparing for being a college student again.
I need to be able to plan the rest of my life!!!
How come they can't just tell me already? :(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)